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Tuesday, January 31, 2006

OK ladies. I give up. Apparently I’m not doing anything right with any of you, and I pretty much have no clue where to go from here. I had a date with this girl named Shelly from my Western Civ. class over the weekend. Nothing much – just a movie, milkshakes and some Allman Brothers. She looked hot, and at the time, didn’t seem like a bitch at all. On the way home, she started talking about her ex-boyfriend and how he treated her like crap and always hit on other girls right in front of her and always seemed way more into himself than her, and blah blah blah. So I said, “If he treated you like crap, why did you stay with him?” A simple question, right? Apparently not. She went on to tell me that I shouldn’t judge her and that “deep down he is a really good guy,” and that I’m “a dick” and shouldn’t talk about people that I don’t even know. She called Captain Douche right then and he said he was going to kick my ass real soon. (If you’re feelin’ froggy then jump, Carlos).

So I’m about 0 for 40 this semester, and I can’t quite figure out why. I’ve tried being Johnnyniceguy and that’s gotten me nothing but cheated on. I’ve tried to be the moody mysterious guy and all of a sudden I’m a “stalker.” (That’s bullshit and you know it, Diane) So here’s your opportunity, ladies. You can tell me and every guy that reads this what the EF women want because I’m out of ideas. Give us the answers. We can all be winners.


This week’s movie pick:

Days of Thunder

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Monday, January 23, 2006


Where can you find J.C Chasez of N’Sync, Ryan Cabrera, Paris Hilton and the Campus Ladies all in one place? Why in Las Vegas at the Radio Music Awards. We were in attendance with our fancy producer; Curb your Enthusiasm’s Cheryl Hines, in order to promote the launch of the show. Upon arrival, we put on our passes for the Back Stage Bash and had a delicious bite to eat before starting the whirlwind four-hour station tour.

One of the large ballrooms at the Aladdin hotel was sectioned off for adult contemporary stations. Each of the stations in attendance set up a table to do interviews. Some interviews were to tape others we did live. We had our wranglers walk us around from table to table, crisscrossing all over the room. They would announce to us, “Okay, now you guys are headed to Florida and then you will go to New York.”

Everyone across the board seemed giddy to speak to Cheryl face to face. There were several romantic proposals and lots of questions about what Larry David is really like. Cheryl handled it all with great aplomb. The three of us would then hunker down to the two microphones we were usually given and give a speedy breakdown of the show and why folks should watch. It’s a good thing we’re such close friends with nice breath because we really had to cozy up to one another.

The Boston DJs were especially nice to us, because Carrie and I both come from Massachusetts and they worshipped Cheryl. Often the stations had fun things to play with like crayons and clay. One fellow actually offered us some Jack Daniels, which made subsequent interviews even more fun.

When Carrie and I caught site of Paris and her enormous entourage we were tickled. She had a camera crew and several hangers on as well as a sheet of what she would and would not talk about. We were delighted to see that she was willing to talk about her sex tape, but not Nicole Richie. As Cheryl would say, “Innnnnnnnteresting.”

The interviews were really fun. When we would describe specific story lines (the ladies try to find a bathroom with some privacy or the ladies experiment with becoming lesbians), we always got an enthusiastic. College is such a specific experience and everyone loves to chime in about their own bad behavior.

We have done more radio since then, all three of us in pajamas at Cheryl’s house at 4:45am clinging to mugs of tea and coffee. DJ’s are so good at keeping things energized and entertaining. It really is a lot harder than it sounds. Our thanks to everyone who was so gracious and supportive at the RMA’s. Next time you hear someone on the radio, know that they may well have bed head and ridiculous sleepwear on, unless of course they are Paris Hilton.

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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Vell, obviously de ladies have been lagging on writing een dere bilog, so I gues I have to pick up de eslack. Abdul here, Duli if you’re nasty. I don have a lot of time, between cilasses and esticking my doodoodle in de hot campus co-eds, so I’m not even typing dis. I’m dictating it from de quad on my Nokia boolootooth-enable cell phone. I hope my accent doesn’t come tru on de bilog.

De mos interesting ting dat is happen to me dis veek is I met a real hot blonde, and let me just say dis: she’s vas down to have a Persian Excursion, if you know vaht I mean!!! Anyvay, she is come to me for some help vit her Persian homevork (I didn’t even know dey HAD Persian at UMW!), aaaand, vaht can I say? One ting is led to anoder. We had a sex for someting like 2 hours. Or no, like 4 hours. No, no, 2 hours, 2 hours. Vell, I mean, she vas HOT, like one of de 8 or 9 hottest ger dat I ever estick my doodoodle in dem. It was really blow my mind ven I find out later, not only is she a member of the Swedish bikini team, but also she is a pilaymate for de Pilayboy! And ALSO, she is a PhD in a… Art History. So… dat, ya, dat vaz a good night. Anyvay, is a little sad because right after ve had our sex, she also told me she has to move to Africa, because she is doing a vork for de Peace Corps. Man, do I know how to peek dem or vaht? So is too bad, I never gonna see her again, and I already forgot her name, but at least I have von more Persian Excursion memory to hold on to. Man, I love de Midvest!!


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