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Friday, December 09, 2005

Welcome to the Campus Ladies Blog! Aren’t you sweet to visit? We have been super busy acclimating to freshman life in the dorms, but we couldn’t resist starting a ‘blog’ when our Iranian friend Abdul explained to us what one was. It’s thrilling to just type our personal details and let them float around on the internet; it makes us feel so naked. Imagine opening your diary for all the world to see. The communal bathrooms here at school are like that. You’ve got your pants down and you think you’ve got some privacy, when three girls walk in chatting away. It’s like you might as well be doing your business right smack in the middle of the quad!

We want to document some of our experiences and observations about school. It’s a great way to let the folks back home in on what we’re doing at UMW. We apologize to everyone for not being in touch, especially Gail and Lorraine who’ve called probably a dozen times. Sorry girls, it’s just that life as ‘older’ coeds is so intense. Who knew you could take a scooter to class or hang a sock on your door to tell your roomie, “Stay away. I have a visitor and it’s getting intimate!” And yes, we’ve done some serious experimenting and we’ll write about it here. Right now we have to get to the ‘pre-party’ in Fudge’s room.  So welcome, welcome! We wish we could greet you all individually, but Abdul says that’s not necessary. If you have any questions about college life or even advice for us please e-mail us. Our addresses are ‘linked’ somehow. Again, Abdul set it up so we don’t have the foggiest idea how to explain it to you.

Good Luck! 

Joan and Barri

P.S. Have some fun and check out how we, as two forty-year-old freshman, translate popular college slang:

1. Clam Jacking – When a gal steals a fella that you’ve been eyeing and works her voodoo sex magic on him so that you’re left out to dry. This is the female counterpart to ‘cock blocking’.“Just as Barri was about to make her moves on Dutch, the 6 foot 2 ceramics T.A., a cute little red head cut her off at the kiln and clam jacked her.”

2. Crank Butts – When drinking a glass or eight of wine while cramming for finals, your roommate comes in and persuades you to chain smoke. “Joan stood out on the balcony cranking butts while Barri quizzed her on French vocabulary.”

3. Rock a look – Looking pretty dynamite in an outfit or having a really jazzed out accessory. “Joan turned a lot of heads rocking a colorful beret on her way to the cafeteria.”

4. Rip the bong – When someone smokes marijuana through a tube really hard, and gets crazy high. “The dirty boy with the dreadlocks would rip the bong every night and create a cloud of smoke in the common room so that nobody could study.”

5. You're being a Herb – Herb short for Herbert, is what you don’t want to be called because it means you’re being a real dumbbell and even your friends agree you look like a jackass. “Joan felt like a real Herb when everyone laughed at her Santa Claus brooch at the holiday kegger.”

6. Off the chain – Anything that is just sensational, from a hairstyle to a handbag. “Everyone agreed that the quiche the ladies made for the Developmental Psych discussion group was off the chain!”

7. A Shorty – A term most frequently used by big black fellas to describe their little hotty girlfriends. “Yo shorty, come over here I wanna git wit you,” said Jamelle to Rashondra, the cute little thing he just met at da club.”

8. What's good? - How are you? “Joan and Barri, trying to break the ice at a sorority function said, “What’s good?” to a clique of girls who stared at the ladies like they were aliens.”

9. Sweet hook up - A spectacular deal or bargain. “Because of Barri’s relationship with Virginia the cafeteria lady, she got a sweet hook up on an oversized hotplate for her dorm room.”

10. Denunzios – A funny term for your best friends or the folks you hang around with most. “Joan and Barri hosted an intimate gathering in their dorm room to celebrate homecoming with their denunzios.”

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